Ella was on a snake kick...

It's 5:40am when I am awakened by Ella repeatedly and excitedly telling Grace to get back on her bed. She sounded frantic and I went to investigate. As I opened the door, Ella is kneeling on her bed with her blanket wrapped around her with a look of panic on her face.

"There's a snake under Grace's bed!" she yells. Now under normal circumstances, I would just say "Yeah, right!" and tell her to go back to sleep, but last July there was a snake in the house and I'm super paranoid that another one or some other creature will make an appearance in the house once again. I tell Grace to get back up on her bed, take a deep breath, brace myself and turn on the light. As I'm about to drop to my knees to be face to face with a slimy, slithery snake, Ella sighs and says "Oh never mind, it's just a belt. I really thought it was moving and looking at me with it's eyes!" I sigh too and tell everyone to go back to sleep (which might I add, didn't happen!)

Later that night, Robert and I were talking to the girls about a trip to Lake Powell. Robert mentioned that there were snakes in the desert that they would have to be aware of. That began a discussion of what to do if they encountered a snake.

"Just stop and then back slowly away." I state. "When you are a little away, turn and run." With this you can see the wheels in Ella's head turning. She contemplates this for a moment and then asks, "Should I look it in the eyes or not?"

Good question, Ella! I'll have to get back to you on that. ;)

11 years

I can't sleep. I'm tired but can't will my mind into slowing down and shutting off. On Saturday, it's been 11 years since my dad died. It seems like a million years ago but also not that long ago all at the same time. I can't tell how much I miss him. There are so many times that I wish that we had had the chance to continue more of an adult relationship that we had just begun. I am so grateful for the choice I made to come back home when we found out he was sick again. I had turned 20 just barely a month before he died. I spent a lot of time with him those last few months that I wish I had taken even more advantage of. We spent a lot of time driving to Dr's appts. or just home that I wish I had asked him more about everything.
He set such a good example of so many things to me. I was 9 when they found the brain tumor the first time. I was old enough to remember a lot about my dad before he was sick. He was in the Army. He was always on the go. I remember him running, swimming, biking and working in the yard. I remember the way he polished his boots. Silly things like that was he used to be the tickle monster and I used to think if my mom and Ashlee would yell "Super" loud enough, I would be able to get super strength to out wrestle him and get the better of him in the tickling department. I always knew that he loved us and would do anything for us.
After he got sick, he set an example of how far a good attitude and hard work could get you. Looking back now, I know there were so many things that he did even when he didn't feel well or when he was tired. He continued to work hard to support us. He was a very involved dad. He always supported us in the things we wanted to do. He expected big things from us. When I came home from Provo, I decided to enroll at Ricks. He was proud of me going to school and even in the last few days when he wasn't always coherent, one of the last things he asked me about was school. He wanted to make sure I had done well that past semester. I wish he could have been there when I got the letter telling me I had earned a full scholarship for my grades. I can imagine how proud he was.
The one thing I will never forget my dad telling me was to "make it a good day." That always reminded me, and still does, that I have a choice as to whether it will be a good day or a bad one....It's up to me. He set an amazing example of that. A couple of months before he died, we were asked by the Church to take part in a special survey they were doing. I was helping my dad fill his out. They asked a series of questions to which you would answer on a scale of always, most of the time, sometimes, or never. One of the questions was "How often are you happy?" He answered most of the time. He was suffering from severe headaches, siezures, and was losing some of his ability to control his body and yet he was truely happy most of the time. I honestly don't remember hearing him complain.
I know that my dad fulfilled the mission here on this earth that he was sent to do. Some of my strongest knowledges and convictions in my beliefs and testimony, came about due to experiences I had surrounding my dad's illness and death. I know that there is a life after we die. That our families are truely forever. I know that our Heavenly Father loves us. I will never forget the feeling of love and peace that was in the room the night before my dad died. I know that the Holy Ghost is real. Our Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to go through these things alone. We are given the strength, comfort, and peace to handle those difficult things we each face in this life if we will but ask. Although, those are some of the hardest times in my life, I'm grateful everyday for the knowledge I gained from those experiences.
I am lucky to have had such a great example.

2 Timothy 4: 6-9

"For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth, there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing. Do thy diligence to come shortly unto me."

A promise is a promise!

I'm writing this to keep up my end of the bargin...I promised I would blog something if Ashlee would. She always writes things that are much more interesting than I do. I have a lot of things that I want to write about but seem to have blogger block.

Today I was a bad mom and let Ben wear the shorts he's been begging to wear to school today. Then I put jackets on my little girls and they promptly took them off to only wear their short sleeved hoodies. I then decided to throw caution to the wind and wear only a short sleeved shirt and my jeans rolled into capris. It was 31 degrees (although, in my defense, we should just make it to 50 degrees today and lets face it....that is short weather) and we still have a foot of snow in the yard but Sprinter is playing games and I decided I was in and playing. Bring on the snow that I know will happen at least once more this year.....I'm buying new flip-flops for everyone and enjoying this weather today. In my mind, when the snow comes and it will, I will choose to believe it's a warm spring day and the wind is blowing through the cherry trees, making the blossoms fly in the wind. (All while wearing my new flip-flops and capris!)

Seriously, I will get back in the swing of things! More to come...

Sometimes

Sometimes I really do feel like this could solve most my daily problems:

And sometimes I feel like I could be this mean:

PS - You probably should change your password Michelle, it's way to easy to hijack

Two Weeks...

What a difference 2 weeks can make!!! I had surgery as planned 2 weeks ago. Then many events transpired that were not so planned. I'm so grateful to be feeling so much better now.

The first surgery went well and was over more quickly than expected. I woke up in an empty recovery room (well except for the nurse who was helping me). I asked for and was given ice chips and felt like I always do when I wake up from surgery. Groggy and thirsty. I remember being moved from recovery to a room on the surgical floor since I was going to stay overnight. I don't remember actually getting to the room and the rest of the afternoon was a hazy, foggy blur. I guess about 20 mins. after arriving in my room, my blood pressure plummeted. They raced me to ICU to try to figure out what was going on. I guess they looked for internal bleeding at first but didn't find any so they figured that the pain meds and anti-nausea meds had caused my blood pressure to drop. They drew all the medicine off my body. I remember being in a lot of pain but lost in the fog with nothing to do but mumble that it hurt.

The doctors decided they needed to force fluids to try to get my blood pressure up. At one point, Robert said my blood pressure dropped to where the top number was only in the 40's. They put in a second IV and a femural line. I remember the central line! I have a huge puncture mark to remind me of that not so fun procedure. They put that in so they could give me a medicine called dopamine (sp?). It's a medicine that was supposed to help with my blood pressure and apparently, you can't give that through a regular IV because if it leaks it can kill the tissues around it. I was being given fluids through 2 IV's and blood through the central line. The nurses added up the amount of fluid and blood they gave me and it added up to 47 lbs of fluid. Most of that was given in a couple of hours. (I was so swollen with all of that fluid for a good week!)

My blood pressure still wasn't coming up and I found somewhere in my fog to tell them my stomach was REALLY hurting now and it felt like it was blowing up like a huge balloon. They did another ultrasound and found I was bleeding internally. I remember the lightning fast trip down the halls to the operating room. Every bump hurt. I remember them moving me to an operating bed and then nothing. Until I was being wheeled back into ICU, where I heard Robert. During the day, I remember feeling him stroke my hair at different times. It was such a comfort to know that he was there. The nurses kept telling me how he kept such a strong face on during the whole day, but they could see how scared he was.

My mom and Heather arrived shortly after I came out of the second surgery. Isn't it funny how at 30 you can revert back to the feelings you had as a little girl and feel comfort that your mom is there? Robert stayed until he was sure I was settled in and doing well. My mom stayed with me so Robert could get some rest. I know it was a long day for him. I had a rough night. My heart rate stayed up all night and my blood pressure was lower that mine usually is. Every once in a while, the monitors would start beeping. I kept checking my blood pressure and heart rate. I couldn't sleep. My mom tried to reassure me that the nurses were watching and I was fine but my mind would not let my body relax. Finally, around 5am my blood pressure was in an area where my mind decided I was fine and I was able to relax and get some sleep.

My blood levels remained low and so on Wednesday, the doctor decided to give me more blood. 3 more pints and my energy levels were better. They finally let me come home on Thursday. It was soooo good to come home and get to see my kids. I had told them I would be home on Tuesday so when I didn't come home until Thursday they struggled a bit. I can't begin to tell you how an experience like that changes your perspective. I'm truely blessed!

Birthday Pictures

I just downloaded the pictures from the Grace and Felicity's birthday. I am getting ready for surgery for tomorrow morning so I will write about them later. I just wanted to get the pictures posted for now. (Especially for Mom...wish you could've been here, can't wait for you to get here in a couple of days!)

It can only get better from here, right?!?

Seriously, 2010 has come in with a bang....a bang a sick, yucky germs and illnesses that have got to get OUT! I have issued an eviction notice and warned my older kids that they are NOT ALLOWED to get sick!!! (I'll let you know how that works ;-)!)

I'm mending...slowly but surely. I have a little more energy every day. I still have a nasty sounding cough but from past experience that will stick around for a bit. I had to go back to Instacare on Monday because of this terrible pain in my chest. They added steriods and pain killers to my list of pills. They think my lungs are inflammed (common with pneumonia) but also that I possibly did something to my rib cage with all the violent coughing. Loads of fun I tell you!!!

My girls started on Tuesday with a small cough and runny nose. A small cold I was thinking...Hopefully, no big deal. I have been carrying around my thermometer checking everyones temperatures for the last week. Well, last night after dinner, Felicity seemed worse and I took her temperature. 102 degrees....GGGRREEAATTT!!! Grace's temp was 99 but still. I hurry and give them medicine for the fevers and breathing treatments. They are tired so I put them to bed. I keep going in and checking on them. Grace's temp comes down quickly and stays that way for the rest of the night. Felicity's comes down but at 2am when I'm checking on them, her temperature has spiked to 104.6!!!! I start freaking out! Thankfully, Robert came home and I woke him up and we start to see if we can get the temperature down. We get her some medicine and I start to wipe her with a damp washcloth. She was delirious from how high her temperature was. It starts to drop a small amount but I knew if it didn't go down more quickly, a trip to the emergency room was in order.

I can't tell you how grateful I was that Robert was here. He gave her a blessing and quickly her temperature started to drop and she was able to rest a little. I'm so grateful that he is able to do that!!

This morning, Robert stayed late to help me get kids ready and off to school and help get the girls ready. We went to the peditrician and Felicity has pneumonia!!!! Grace is ok but since they are pretty much joined at the hip, they are going to treat her to since pneumonia can come on so quickly. To top the morning off, I was bent over trying to help get shoes on when a coughing attack came on. I started coughing and then I heard a crack and lots of pain. This is in the same area where I was having pain before so I'm guessing if my rib wasn't fully cracked before....it probably is now. LOVELY!!!

So now I sit here with one REALLY sick little girl, another one that is slightly sick and a lovely, beautiful cough that is not fun when your ribs are feeling the way mine do. I'm also supposed to call the hospital today and find out what time surgery is scheduled for on Monday.... Isn't life grand....Sometimes when it rains, it pours.

Luckily, 2010 can only get better from here....(if you disagree with this comment, please do not say anything....that is what I'm choosing to believe!) And I stand by an earlier comment that I have a feeling this is going to be a good year for us! We just thought we'd get the miserable stuff out up front so we can really let loose and enjoy ourselves later on!!!

Four times Two

I truely cannot believe it's been 4 years since I brought these 2 cute girls home! It's been a wild four years....
(Please ignore the wet hair and no makeup). This was the morning before I had the girls. I had a doctors appointment on that Wednesday afternoon. I did my regular monitoring and then saw my doctor. He said "How about Friday?" to which I replied "How about today?" We went back and forth until he said "Ok, they can't send you home if you are having contractions." I was, every 2 minutes, but that didn't mean anything because I had preterm labor starting at 17 weeks. By 28 weeks, I was on complete bedrest. So needless to say, 35 weeks felt like I had really made it!!! Turns out it was good I stood my ground because I was in labor and at 7:42 pm, Grace Aubrie (5lbs. 2 oz.) was born. Two short minutes later, Felicity Kate (4lbs. 12 oz.) arrived.
They had a little of a rough start, especially Felicity. This was before she was transfered up to another hospital where they had a higher level NICU. I love this picture because they are a mirror image of each other.
I didn't get to hold either of them right away. This was a picture of me holding Grace for the first time. Grace struggled with jaundice and gainining weight but overall was fairly healthy and I got to take her home after just 5 days.
This is Robert holding Felicity for the first time. She was on a ventilator and hooked up to tons of machines for the first 5 days. But once she started to improve, she overcame her problems quickly. We got to bring her home when she was 12 days old.
Together at last! We had to get them gaining weight so we were on a 3 hour schedule 24 hours a day. It was tricky at first, but we got the hang of it soon enough! Those first few months were a blur but by 5 months they were sleeping through the night and we managed.
This is their 1st birthday. They really enjoyed their cakes (they must be mine!).
And soon enough those cute little girls were conspiring with each other and getting into all sorts of messes! They are still double trouble when they decide to be!
(2 1/2 years old)
Swinging on the swing at Sammie's Farm.

This is last year on their 3rd birthday. They are truely Best Friends!

This past fall, they started dance, gymnastics and preschool. They have enjoyed getting to do "big girl" things. I have also enjoyed it but it has definitely taken some getting used to. My sister laughs at me when I call them my babies. I don't think that they will ever be too big that they will cease being my babies.

Since they are twins, they get lumped together as you can imagine. I always wanted twins and it has been so fun to get to see them interact with each other.
Grace is shy but has an easier time with change. She is the caretaker. She looks out for all of us but it's so sweet to see how she tries to take care of Felicity. She also loves to tease Felicity. One of her favorite things to do is to take her favorite blanket. She knows it will get her to squawk and Grace thinks it's hilarious! Grace is a girly, girl. She loves to wear skirts and have her hair done "fancy".
Felicity is fiesty! She let's everyone know what is on her mind. She is "the baby." She loves to let Grace take care of her. She is also developing quite a fashion sense. She has this funny idea of what is cute and goes together and it is interesting. She loves to wear "comfy" clothes and always wants to add a headband or flower right on the front of her head.
It's fun to see these 2 girls who look so much alike grow into 2 different people. I love them so much and am so grateful that we were blessed to have these sweet spirits come to our home!!

Happy Birthday Grace and Felicity!!!

Anything you can do, I can do Better!!!!

Ha, ha! This is especially for my sister, Ashlee! Last summer she wrote a blog post about me always trying (unintentionally, I might add) to one up her. She has a way of writing and it was quite funny to read things from her perspective!

I think I have also mentioned that she moved to COLD Arizona...They had a storm come through earlier in the year and they were without power for a couple of days. With the latest set of storms that hit all of the west coast, they got pounded with heavy snow. They again lost power for a while, sprung a leak or two in their roof, and had so much snow a tractor came to plow them out. She posted about their snow adventure on their blog.

Snow is not new to us here in Antartica (aka. Keith and Nancy's home). With this last round of storms, I would estimate that we had a total of 2 feet of snow. I have been oblivious to the amount of snow we have been getting because I have not ventured out of the house since last Monday. (Can you say STIR CRAZY?!) Robert spent a lot of time out on the tractor trying to keep the driveway clear over the last two days. I got my nose all out of joint because since I was oblivious to the amount we had received, I was sure he was just spending time trying to find things to do other than be in here spending time with his sick-o wife. (Not that I can blame him, I sound like I might drop over dead any minute and I would give anyone with a cough sounding like mine, a very wide berth!!!)

Yesterday afternoon, Robert said he wanted to give me a chance to go for a ride into town and to get out of the house. When we left, I knew we were in for trouble when we got home. The snow has gotten so piled up that with the way the tractor plows the snow, we now have a VERY narrow driveway. The wind was howling and snow was blowing into big drifts that were narrowing the driveway even further. Robert picked up take-out while we were in Logan and we headed home to enjoy our food. As we were coming up the road, it was getting worse the further we went up the hill. Drifts were covering half the road and the road had a thin layer of ice on it.

My van is notoriously bad in the snow and I had no doubt that we were not getting back home easily. Robert punched it as he turned into the drifted bobsled run we call a driveway. He made it a whole foot in before we were stopped dead in out tracks. He backed up and got stuck in to snow behind us. Finally, he was able to get turned around to get down the hill to the bus turn around. We called Keith who started outside to see if he could clear enough with the tractor to allow us up. Robert and Ben set out on foot in the blizzard to try to help with the four-wheeler. The girls and I camped out in my van eating pizza and watching a movie I had rented for them. After about an hour, Robert grabbed his dad's truck and came to rescue us. We got in the house and they continued to try to clear the driveway. The Bishop came with his tractor that has a snowblower on it and took a couple of passes trying to help.

I was sure that if the wind continued, we would all be hibernating here until spring. Apparently, the wind stopped blowing last night and everyone was able to get out to church. Robert informed me when he came home that in order to get up the driveway, you have to punch the gas and from different children's accounts, they bounced off the walls of the narrow bobsled run multiple time trying to make it up. So although, I'm sure Ashlee received a lot more snow than we did....We have a bobsled/luge run that we play pinball using our car off the sides of it going up and down the driveway. So top that Ashlee!!! ;-)

No Surgery for Now....

K...So this has been an interesting week to say the least! I found out Friday that my surgery had been put of until Monday the 25th. I was sort of relieved because I still was not feeling well and didn't want to go into surgery being sick.

Last night, I arranged with Nancy so I could go to the doctor this afternoon. I went in and came out with a sore rear from a shot and a bag full of medicine! I have really bad pneumonia in my left lung. My lung is so full it's pushing on my heart. If my fever is not gone tomorrow I get to go for another lovely shot! Fun, Fun, Fun!

The doctor said I would need to call so they can postpone my surgery for anywhere from 2-4 weeks. If they did it now while I have the pneumonia, it could collapse my lung. So now I just need to take my medicine (8 pills a day), use my inhaler, and rest like a good girl.

I'm so thankful for the help I've received. Robert has been so good and I appreciated what Nancy has done. It's so hard as a mom to just rest! We have told my kids that we are going to have them work to earn a trip to Disneyland we have all been wanting. I think they are already well on their way and by the time this is all said and done, they will have earned a lot. They have tried really hard to help with what's needed and the bigger kids try really hard to help out Grace and Felicity. I'm so grateful for all of them. My mom and sister's are not here but they have been such a support. I can always call them and they will listen. I'm grateful for modern medicine. We are so lucky!!! I have a lot to be thankful for!! Here's to a speedy recovery!!!

Be Careful What You Say Outloud!!!

So I feel I have slightly jinxed myself. This has been quite the week and it's not even over. I think January is going to go down in the record books of our family as an extremely eventful month!!! I have been having some problems with what I believed were more cysts. I've had a lot of them and surgery for them multiple times (much to everyone's dismay). I've been putting off going to the doctor. Why go if I know what I'm going to hear?
So let's start this week on Sunday. We get to church and Ben starts having stomach issues. He spends the last part of Sacrament Meeting and the beginning of Primary in the bathroom. We are his teachers and he said he was fine so we put him in the corner to be safe and stay. The rest of Sunday is fine. Monday morning, Robert leaves and then a few minutes later, Ben comes in and asks for Dad. When I tell him he is gone, he informs me he threw up. GREAT!!!! Luckily, he made it to the bathroom. I get up and get him settled and get Ella ready for school. Grace and Felicity have dance but I've started to feel a little achy and Ben has gotten sick again so I decide not to go.
By Monday evening, Ben is still sick and although I haven't gotten sick, I feel so achy that I know it's got to be coming. Tuesday, the kids don't have school. Ben is a little better but not fully himself and by this time even my skin hurts. Nancy takes care of lunch and dinner and getting Ella to dance. I'm trying to isolate myself as much as possible so I don't give anyone anything. At bedtime, I go out to start to get everyone ready when I hear that infamous noise of someone being sick and Felicity is running towards me, hand over her mouth. I grab her and run. I have to dodge the trail she left behind while she was running out of the bathroom to tell me she is getting sick! (Gotta love that!!!) I put her in the bath and send the other kids to bed so I can attempt to clean the mess the "sprinkler" left behind. I call Robert freaking out because there is no way this is getting cleaned up without a carpet cleaner. He makes some calls and has one coming the next morning at 11. I get Felicity in bed and then continue to try to clean up. I do everything my aching body will allow and then hope and pray the carpet cleaner guy can work miracles! I collapse into bed.
Wednesday when the alarm goes off to get the kids up and ready for school, I turn it off and don't bother to get them up. My body aches so badly and my stomach is killing me. I call Robert who get a hold of his cousin who is a nurse practioner at on OB/GYN's office in town. She says she will fit me in. I attempt to get ready and suddenly Robert walks into the room. I am soooooo happy to see him!!!! (I feel bad that he wasn't at work but so grateful that he has come to help). He gets the kids ready and puts us all in the car. I get dropped off and go in.
Long story, short....It's not a cyst. I have vericose veins in my pelvis. Huge ones. Basically, the more I am up the more pressure there is and the more they swell. I get offered heavy medication immediately. (At this point, I'm so glad someone has found out what is really my problem. I was beginning to think it was all in my head!) Then they discuss treatment options. I am DONE having kids and have struggled with cysts, endometriosis and alot of pain for a lot of years. Basically, I'm at last resort options.... I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy on Monday...yeah, this upcoming Monday!!!! CRAZY!!!
I come home and collapse into bed. Robert starts a cleaning and sanitizing regimine. I am no help. I owe him big time!!! I'm still achy today and still cannot get the fever to subside. I'm laying her trying to stay down so my stomach feels better because I don't think it's wise to take the heavy drugs and leave my kids to their own devices. I actually think I have the swine flu....LOVELY....debating whether to just lay here and hope it goes away soon or if I should go to Instacare in case that's not what it is.....
Hard things...yeah, hard things are for the birds!;) I should have knocked on wood!

New Year- Revelation and Resolutions

This came about as I was sitting in Fast and Testimony meeting on Sunday. For a few months, I've been thinking I should bear my testimony. My kids keep trying to get me to go but I don't for many reason (excuses really). I am the family crier. Not the one who lets everyone in on the news, but the ugly, loud crier. My poor primary class has seen me cry on many occasions. It just seems that anytime I think about my testimony, it brings up a lot of the things that helped my gain it and they are not always easy things to think about.

Anyway, Ben wanted to bear his testimony and he had to wait. As he was sitting next to the Bishopric on the stand, my heart started to thud. I've felt that feeling before and I was hoping that with the line waiting that time would be over before I would have a chance. I sat there and thought, "It's just too hard!" Suddenly, a statement my mom made to me a couple of months ago came to my head. She had told me, "You've done hard things." Then my mind was flooded with alot of thoughts at once that all seemed to fit together so nicely. I have done hard things before. Not on my own...I know where to turn when I need strength, or peace, or guidance, or when it all just seems to much and I don't think I can keep going. I've had burdens that seem too heavy physically lifted so that I can get up the next morning, put a smile on, and face the day knowing that somehow it will all work together for my good and that I don't have to face it alone. How truely grateful and humbling it is to have that knowledge.

Lately, I've been just going through the motions. The things I'm dealing with now are small in comparison to some of the things I know others are dealing with but for me right now, I'm struggling. I don't know exactly what the purpose of the events of the last two years are supposed to teach me but I will know someday.

So now on to my resoulution for 2010. Sure I have the I want to get back in shape and I want everything to be perfectly clean and organized but what I've decided to really put my effort into is by far more important. A couple of weeks ago, we had a member of the High Council for our stake there to speak to us. He said the Stake Presidency was concerned because when they went to Stake Temple night, they didn't see many members of our Stake there. He said they had decided we were either going earlier in the day, on another day, or not going at all. Then he quoted Doctrine and Covenants 130: 20-21.
"There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicted-"
"And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."

He went on to say he hoped we didn't fall into that last group because there are blessings we are missing out on. It got me thinking about more than just my lack- luster temple attendance of late. I am not going to continue just going through the motions of everyday. I'm going to face the "hard things" head on and have full confidence that I will have the strength to tackle those things. I'm going to work hard at doing those things, like temple attendace, that will continue to build my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I'm going to set a better example for my children. I'm going to teach them that life isn't always easy but we have a choice when we start each new day to "Make it a good day." I feel confident as I write this, that this year holds great things for me and my family. I'm so excited to see what comes next. So bring on 2010!!!!